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Lyrics from the soundtrack album.
May vary from lyrics in film.

[all spoken]
I am poppa to no male, nor no female child...that no court could prove otherwise!
And certainly not the likes of no skinnipated, sissipated, frump like you.
Give 'em everythin' they want, and what do you gets in return? Nuttin!
But heartache, heartache, sadness, and misery!
And a bad time once in a while when you try ta give 'em a bath, and they don't want it!
And another bad time when you wanna do somethin' that you really wanna do, but all they wanna do is know what you wanna do!
Bless their little hearts; if they were really made outta gold, I'd like ta sell 'em on the open marketplace, and make me a fortune!
They don't know what they're doin'.
Dad-blast 'em, they're gonna lead ya to ruin!
They cry at you when they're young, they yell at ya when they're older, they borrow from ya when they're middle-aged, and they leave ya alone to die--without even payin' ya back!
Give 'em everythin' they want, and what do ya get back in return? You get nothin'!
Why they're just smaller versions of us, ya know, and I'm not so crazy about me in the first place--so why would I want onna them? I ask ya...Children!
Ah, children.
Sure they're soft, they're cuddly, they're friendly when they wanna be.
They know how ta smile, and get what they want; but that's not enough, if you know what I mean--and I think ya know what I mean.
Cuz I'm talkin' about kids.
Phooey on alla them!
Why, my greatest hope in life is that someday, onna them might grow up and get married, so they can have children!
Oh, they're okay for some people I guesses, but then again, some people's children--bleh!
Lock up the little moppetites!
Try feedin' one at three in the mornin', you'll see what I mean if you know what I mean I hope you know what I mean cuz I sure know what I mean.
I think that's why I don't like 'em very much.
Because you pour your heart out to 'em, you give 'em everythin' they want: give 'em candy, and a lotta toys, and what do ya get back? You get a lotta noise!
"Na-na-na-na-na-na!" I'm through with children, I'm through with kids, there ain't nothin I'm never gonna do about it!
First of all, they should be born when they're 21.
That way they can vote right away, which is what they already wanted to do, since the minute they got here.
They wanna run things, they wanna run everythin'!
They wanna run the world, and that's what they're gonna do someday.
They ain't gonna stop until its called "The Planet of the Little Moppetites"!



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